Sunday, July 13, 2014

The Black Trophy Wife....A Rare Concept.


Its very interesting the journey that some of us women of color take. Some grow up with a silver spoon and are left searching and unsatisfied, and the rest grow up with lack and grow up longing and empty. In a culture where lack is way more common (which this article is specifically for my single American black women), the concept of the trophy wife is not  popularly discussed or even a concept that many relate too. Early in my blog I discussed the difference between the passionate model of relationship versus the provider type of relationship. It has occurred to me, that more often these days, Black women are growing up seeking the passionate model, yet a few have managed to bag a provider. We fantasize about having a man take care of us financially, and provide us the finer things... never knowing what that entails. White women are more familiar with being a trophy wife, but today I want to dispel some things that go along with your provider.
Simply put, as intelligent individuals we observe life, and naturally focus on what we do well. We sometimes learn how to manipulate the system to get what it is we want. Based on what assets one has will determine their approach. Commonly men that lack means will use charisma and sex to attract a woman. They struggle to do anything related to commitment and also lack follow through. So in this model you can live with, have children with and spend years together without any level of planned progress. The minute you try to suggest structure, this type of man will buck up against you. These types tend to be confident, handsome, very passionate, good in bed, funny, lovable and convincing.

Conversely the Provider will be built differently. He is not impulsive and believes in making a plan for mostly everything. He has gone to school, has a nice car,money saved, is independent yet introverted. He lacks social skills and or has little to none relationship experience. He lacks confidence, and uses the material things he has acquired to attract a woman. He offers her security and commitment sometimes at the expense of emotional connection and intimacy. In public, the provider will praise his wife, but in his home he will retreat. Such behavior will leave his mate feeling perplexed and lonely, meanwhile all your friends and family will adore your husband, as he has the best image in public. Your provider is likely to silence your complaints with gifts and material things while the passion has nothing to offer you but words.

Therefore it is my assumption that whichever side of the coin you land on, be prepared for the associated costs of that selection. The provider will come with a more complex set as the issues the passion are more trivial. No matter what, remember to keep calm and carry on...... :-)

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Joseph's coat of many colors: Its your dream not theirs

Recently my Pastor has been preaching alot on Joeseph's experience both about his dreams and his journey. The most profound piece was his brothers response to his dreams. Joeseph shared two dreams to his brothers that reflected him as the superior and his brothers were not pleased.  The fact of the matter is that your dreams are YOUR dreams. Others can assist you along your journey, but may not be able to share your passion for your dream. Not only were his brothers unhappy with the vision, but they went as far as to conspire against him. I have learned over the years to keep my plans to myself because of the reception i have received.  I have learned that others may not rejoice for me or wish to even take part. It is for us to write our own storybook and pursue our dreams. Joseph teaches us that even n some cases even our family will not understand or comprehend our dreams. Be strong a carry on.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Happy Father's Day to Single Mothers???? ; Ludicrous

Single parents in our society is an awful trend, and I will never deny that, However we need to understand and acknowledge the truth. On Facebook this past father's day there was much debate about whether single mothers should be wished a happy fathers day. My say??? Absolutely not. A mother will always be a mother. She does not take the place of the father in his absence. I believe the whole movement is a play to get attention and sympathy. I know that in some cases unforeseen situations have resulted in single parents.... but... lets keep it all the way real, the majority of single parents are the result of unwise decision making, and as always I come down tough on the ladies, because no matter what we will always take the brunt and the blame for unplanned/unwanted pregnancy. Even in marriage, a wife needs to be clear that the majority of parenting will undoubtedly fall on her. So to reiterate, it is quite simple. Mother's have their own day to be recognized, and further more... Parents should not be so desperate to be acknowledged on these holidays anyway; the purpose is to acknowledge you for what you are expected to be doing and providing for your children. You are not doing anything extraordinary by raising your children... you are actually doing the bare minimum.... #IJS

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Role Model? I Think Not Mrs. Carter

Seems to me its all coming out Bey! OOOOPS!


I have heard so many mixed reviews of the Beyonce 'Drunk In Love' performance at the 2014 Grammy award shows. Now me personally, I don't much follow awards shows as I seldom even watch t.v. However with all the hoopla, I watched the performance on YouTube, and now I want to share my thoughts on the whole subject matter:

First of all, I think it is quite the shame that Beyonce can not strike a balance in which she is sexy yet classy and tasteful. I do not believe it is proper for a married woman, performer or not to be dressed so provocatively on the world stage. Beyonce is quite aware of her influence on not only women, but also young women, and shame on her for sending the improper message. I wish so many people did not idolize her.. because she has it all wrong. If any regular wife were to follow her example, her husband would be upset that his wife was showing off all of her assets for everyone to see. The show and tell is supposed to be reserved for the privacy of your husband only. JayZ strategicly exploits his wife, as we can see there is no limit to what she would do for his happiness.

I also think it Ironic that while she struts around scantily clad, her husband is dressed to the nines in an expensive tuxedo looking like the epitome of elegance. So many people love the combination of JayZ and Beyonce not realizing that he has consistently zipped her lips over the years forbidding her to speak on their relationship. And lets not get on the fact that he hand picked her when she was a teenager, molding her into his little sex kitten... smh

Now they are going on tour together, and some seats have astronomical price tags, and the people scramble to get them... at any rate. Im not interested. I used to love JayZ and actually went to one of his concerts a few years ago, but I can't support their deception and stand by idly while they mislead the crowds with their false image. I just think this is a sad state of affairs, when someone who doesn't even have anything to say (because when is the last time you heard Beyonce say ANYTHING profound) is in a position of influence..... sad.

And the elevator situation couldn't have come at a more pivotal time. Her behavior when she was unaware that anyone was watching shows greatly what she is made of. As a wife, there is no way that i would allow my sister to berate my husband like that, even in the circumstance that he was in the wrong. Mrs. Carter, supposedly 'running the world' and what not, was as tame a pussy cat. Not at all what I would expect from the finger snapping, attitude toting diva.. hmmmmmmmmmm #ActionsSpeakLouder


The Real Black "Supermodel"

I ran across this picture, and felt like I should share because I'm not sure if alot of mom's understand the gravity as their role as a mother to the next generation. Often, parents entertain foolish behaviors that becomes the foundation of their child's life, and as someone concerned about the future, I am extremely observant. Many grow up in households where they wish they were elsewhere, only to attempt to mold a lifestyle that will leave them unfulfilled. These people tend to displace the blame, and believe that the solution of their problems is on the other side. Not so, unfortunately. But preparing your child the best that you possibly can, and being honest about some of the challenges that people of color face, you give them a tremendous start in their lives. For the woman of color, there are many disparaging obstacles that may face them, there is no need to further put them behind the eight-ball. Naturally, what our parents, and I place most of that weight on the mothers, expose us to forms our personality and perspective. It is beyond critical that we do the most thorough job as possible. Do you think your children really want to be a thug like their no good daddy? Do you think your daughter should invite provocative attention distracting her from school and progress? And of course,  there are two sides to the coin. Do you think that because you have arrived that your black child turn his or her back on the community that they no longer feel a part of? All such things play a factor.Think about it. 

Staying Relevant




It is one of the most difficult and challenging things to do for any person of substance. Often you will feel the harsh friction while trying to promote your message, and In some cases it can be extremely discouraging. Some fall into the abyss and fall off... others understand the pressure to stay relevant, to maintain and continue forward. This message is especially relevant for me at this current time in my life. I have become somewhat a recluse as I have not been working for a few months. I have kept an extremely low profile, and I know my followers have been waiting for fresh videos & posts. I apologize for the drought, I almost forgot how to keep moving. ;-) but I assure you, I'm back and coming stronger than ever. #TheBlackJetLagProject is still underway and just received a generous donation <3

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Self Medication & Other Distractions

I realize that life is often comprised of endless and discouraging obstacles that threaten to destroy, delay or hinder your future, and often times we take even more detrimental actions by self medicating ourselves with things we understand will not alleviate or aid our problems. Sometimes self medicating becomes a problem in itself by cultivating some type of addiction or insatiable desire. It could be anger, violence, sex, alcohol, drugging, over eating, retail therapy,stealing, or scheming..... only you know what spells relief for you when you are upset or sad. My charge for all of you is to find a positive outlet. No one can get you on track but yourself, and diverting your path can do you so much more harm than good. Self medicating is a subject that most like to avoid because it applies to all of us in some form or fashion. However, unhealthy urges can be conquered.. and the daily frustrations of life can be channeled into better avenues. I just want to send some encouragement out to those beating back their "medicine booty" as my Pastor calls it, and to let you know.. you aren't the only one fighting.. but you can win!

Thursday, May 22, 2014

The Gastric Bypass Fakers


Monday, May 12, 2014

The Creation of Single-Motherdom; Daddy's Maybe, Mother's Baby


With Mother's day just passing.. I find it fitting to discuss my reasoning behind the disproportionate single motherhood that cradles the African American community. Many will not want to hear or acknowledge this truth.. but it is still relevant. I read my Facebook feed yesterday and was somewhat disappointed in many of the status's from the single mothers because I happened to know some of their stories personally. I happened to know how they understood clearly the questionable circumstances they were bringing children into, yet they proceeded. I remembered hearing the warnings from family, friends and even sometimes the other women that also had children with these guys, yet for some reason, the women still chose to believe and hope to a fault. Now fast forward to present times... and these same women complain that the father of their children wants no parts. He chooses not to invest in their child. Chooses not to support and is cold and is also callous to the mother of their child/children. Common sense would tell someone that in many many cases the past is a great indicator of future performance. Therefore, I believe that BAD JUDGEMENT is the #1 source of this epidemic. I hold the women mostly responsible for their own demise, although it takes two to make the baby. In every childbirth the woman is the one that sacrifices the most. They have everything to lose or gain by an unwanted pregnancy which requires an elevated sense of prevention. We have seen it as a reoccurring theme in our culture, and should not be so foolish to ignore the cardinal signs, this is not a game. This is our future... One can not inflict responsibility. One can not mature another person or impute the importance of parenthood... Such things are an individual's responsibility. Honestly I believe most these culprits hope falsely that the child would be the glue that bonds the relationship.
Now perhaps you feel like I'm coming way too hard on the ladies, but I am more concerned with the social impacts to our community too sit by idly as I see my peers making repetitive mistakes. I am upset that in a society where we have the most exposure and the most prevention of unwanted/unplanned pregnancies, this issue is still rampant. I understand the unforeseen factors that have fostered some single parents, but the vast majority of people are CHOOSING this walk, and they are sacrificing the best interests of their children for their selfishness and foolishness. I once crossed one of the most gorgeous women I have ever seen in my life, who shared with me she was Haitian and Indian. I proceeded to ask her if she had ever been to India, and that's when she poured out some the of the realities of her specific experience. She shared with me that neither her mother or father could handle her birth, and that she had been shuffled around foster cares her whole life. She told me of the struggle to find herself because of the lack of connection to her heritage. I wondered what her parents motives were.. if it was a one night stand or forbidden union. Both of them failed to take any responsibility, and left their baby girl to find her way on her own. One moment of conception totally shaped someone else's life. Becoming a parent should never be taken as lightly as it is in modern day society. On moment of pleasure impacts the whole world. Think intently about the quality of your child's life, childhood and future before you rashly make choices. Word.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

"They Ain't Never Seen A Nigger On A Horse Before"


As many of you know,  The Black Jet Lag Project is well underway, and yesterday I had a cyber conversation with a childhood friend of mine over Facebook. He seemed to be confused with my plan, and vehemently implied that it would not be successful, and for just a moment I found myself getting flustered, offended and discouraged. Until I decided to turn those emotions into determination. Until I decided that he would eat his words. Much more than the other cultures, do we as black people make a habit of preying and disheartening our peers when ideas or concepts are unveiled. We watch others live out their fanciful wishes yet feel as if we can not 'play in that arena'. Instead of supporting, we lay and wait for failure so that we can gloat. However, I just want to encourage other innovators, creators and dreamers out there not to be limited by other people's small scopes. Every great  innovator had to go against the grain to bring his ideas to the surface. The masses have always historically been inapt to change, and typically reject new concepts. It can be very hurtful, but as a visionary we must push on.  One day I was really down about the stifling environment I was dealing with at my then work place and how sometimes I realize the empty stare in people's eyes when they interact with me. A good friend of mine, Lawrence Young II, once broke down the concept of a memorable line from the movie D'Jango. There is a scene in the movie in which D'jango played by Jamie Foxx rides into town on a horse beside his white partner. Everyone in the town was struck completely speechless at the sight of a black man riding a horse. His partner noticed the shock and awe and asked D'jango what everyone was staring at. D'Jango simply replied, "They ain't never seen a nigger on a horse before". When I first watched the movie, the profoundness didn't hit me, but once my friend reiterated it for me... I was greatly taken aback. Simply, there may be times in your life in which you are the first expression of whatever you may represent to the people around you. Perhaps you are the first highly educated person of color in a rural community. Maybe you are the first entrepreneur in your family.. Maybe you have dreams of doing things that no one else around you have ever had... whatever you may be, you are the first one they have ever seen, coming into town, destroying boundaries, riding on a horse. I like to think of myself that way... except not a dirty, un groomed person... yet extremely polished and gorgeous riding in on a beautiful flawless white stallion. Shocking and stealing the breath away of all the doubters.... making it clearly evident that all things are possible. May you be inspired by the opposition.... may you continue your journey to victory...

~Afrikan Superstar